THE MEETING
I met him on a dating site. He intrigued me because his description included seeking meaningful conversation, among other attributes I was looking for. We were the same age which also appealed to me. We chatted via the app for a couple days and then agreed to meet in person to see if there was a real connection. We scheduled a meeting at a bar with comfortable outdoor seating for a drink and conversation. Immediately upon meeting I felt at ease and our interaction flowed seamlessly. He was intelligent and we both laughed a lot, qualities that get my attention. I was physically attracted to him. After a drink, he asked if I’d like to get something to eat, which he generously paid for. In my mind, this was a positive sign showing me he wanted to continue the date. I felt I could’ve talked to him all night but needed to get home and feed my dog. I was very interested in getting to know him better and thought he probably felt the same. I was confident we had a real connection and the Universe put us together for a good reason. The next day I received a beautifully composed message full of excitement and promise, detailing how he found me very attractive and interesting and that he felt very comfortable around me.
THE WARNING SIGNS
The warning signs were there. He was twice divorced. Now, don’t get all riled up. I know that being divorced doesn’t necessarily mean you’re trouble but, in this case, it was a warning about his lack of communication skills, as I later learned. He had a nickname on the dating app that he had no explanation for. It’s perfectly understandable to not want your real name on the dating site but when I asked for the reason behind the silly nickname he had no explanation. I found this a bit odd. He was over one-half hour late. Granted, he texted me that he was running late but the reason given was that had to stop and fill his gas tank because it was on empty. That doesn’t take 30+ minutes and clearly this shows poor planning and a lack of respect and consideration. When we were leaving he walked briskly to his vehicle, leaving me standing next to mine. When I stated, “This is my truck”, he came back and gave me an awkward hug, while saying he’d be in touch. He told me he was going camping for a few days. I thought this unusual because the weather forecast was horrible. Stormy, raining and chilly. I’ve camped in inclement weather so I decided to take him at his word. I didn’t hear anything from him for six days. On day seven, he sends a message that he’s back from his camping trip and asks if I’d like to get together the next day. I asked what he had in mind and he said “I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it.” He lacked foresight and the respect and thoughtfulness to plan a date. I told him I had plans and asked if we could schedule for another day. He seemed genuinely disappointed but didn’t immediately schedule anything for a later time. Days later, when I asked about his schedule so we could plan something another day, he wasn’t quickly responsive, then said he was working 10 hour days and had Friday off. Okay, I thought, he’s busy and probably pretty tired at the end of the day. I’ll be patient. HIs next text was short and curt, not friendly like the previous texts. Another warning sign was that he only texted. If I’m into someone, I want to hear their voice. So Friday comes and goes and he is radio silent. Hmmm. I waited four more days then sent a message telling him I was fairly free over the next week and if he wanted to schedule something to please let me know and even though the writing was on the wall, I still hoped I was wrong. I decided I wouldn’t bother him again and waited. I had told him in that last text I was interested and the reasons for my interest just in case he mistakenly thought I was not interested when I turned him down. The next day, he had disappeared from the dating app. I believe that he actually just blocked me. I didn’t know if he had received my texts on his phone or blocked me there, as well. There is no way to confirm that, but it was crystal clear that he had iced me out and ghosted me.
MY MISTAKES
I excused him for being late because I’d just met him and I felt he deserved the benefit of the doubt as this could be an isolated incident and it was too early to know, but my mistake was telling him it was okay and not a problem.
I already intuitively knew he’d gone radio silent but sought clarification. This was frustrating because I felt like I appeared desperate and needy when all I was doing was trying to schedule a date he had already asked me on.
I took his lack of response personally and was insulted because blocking me wasn’t necessary. I wasn’t going to bother him again. I didn’t inundate him with messages. The lack of respect and common courtesy was hurtful. I doubted myself. I momentarily faltered and lost my confidence. I wondered constantly what the turning point was? I asked myself what did I do wrong? I read and reread the messages looking for clues and answers.
I allowed my ego to convince me the Universe brought us together for a potential relationship.
I projected that the reason for us meeting and getting along so well right away had bigger meaning, because I’ve never experienced a true love relationship and long for that.
I doubted my decisions.
I questioned my purpose.
I gave away power over my life.
I assumed I wasn’t worthy, that I had said something wrong. I blamed myself.
I’m an empath and intuitive and when I know, I know. When I ignore what I know, it bites. I knew and chose to push that aside, further degrading myself.
LESSONS
I was understandable if he didn’t want to pursue a relationship but not okay to be sending me such a beautifully composed note 24 hours after our date telling me he found me very attractive and interesting and enjoyed our time together, asking me out again and then abruptly ceasing all communication.
He had every right to end a potential relationship. He had a right to change his mind after thoughtful consideration, but the way he went about ending it was not mature. He showed his true colors immediately and for that I am grateful. I am thankful I didn’t offer myself up physically.
I have learned I am possibly not ready to date. I was too quick to excuse his careless, rude and callous behavior - showing up late, lack of planning, asking me out at the last minute, confirming I was an afterthought or his last choice when he couldn’t be with someone else. I put my needs aside and this was demeaning to me.
This is not a man that I want a relationship with. He did me a favor. I will definitely raise my standards immediately when I do date again. I faltered and let myself wallow for a couple days in a lower vibration. I’ve returned to a higher vibration. This is clearly not an energy he is in nor familiar with.
OUTCOME
I didn’t wallow for long. After a couple days, I reflected on the situation differently by taking my emotions out of it. I saw the lessons in this. I regained my confidence. I did nothing wrong. It is never wrong to tell someone you like them and are interested. Why play games? If they don’t accept that, it’s their loss. Being ghosted has nothing to do with you or something you did wrong, assuming you didn’t get super clingy, emotional or angry.
Being ghosted by a potential partner or even someone you have dated for a while says everything about them. They avoid conflict. They ignore, rather than tackle, unpleasant situations. They lack courage. They lack respect. They lack empathy. It’s also entirely possible, in this case, that he wasn’t even single and available.
I know who I am, what I stand for, what I believe, what I’m worth and what I have to offer. I am deserving of nothing less than courtesy, kindness, compassion, honesty. The right man will bend over backwards to please me, plan appropriately, communicate effectively, stay in contact. The right man will value what I have to offer. I thank him for reminding me what I don’t want in a relationship and clearing the way for the right partner. He has my compassion because I understand that he doesn’t have the courage and skill to be truly transparent and honest. Thank you Universe for putting us together for a very good reason and reminding me of my worth.
December 9, 2019 - Lil’s Evolution
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